party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize