The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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