but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
