I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize