i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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