I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
