I hate your face
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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