6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
