Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
