Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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