His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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