Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize