I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize