the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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