her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize