I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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