Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
