well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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