one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
