He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
