i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
