And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
