I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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