I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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