"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
