You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
