Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
