How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
