I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
