And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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