today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize