Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
