i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize