i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Did I show you my penis last night?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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