carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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