My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
