so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
