Non-Jews are for practice
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
