As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
