College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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