We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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