My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
