You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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