yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
