xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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