meet me or not, i'm out of control
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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