Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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