I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
