i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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