Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
