Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
