He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
