i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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