You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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