fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we made out on top of his cat.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
