singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
