There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
