Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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