don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
