I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
