You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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