Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
