I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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