Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
