You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
