Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
