You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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