Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
