she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
