so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
