I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
