i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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