Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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