We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
