i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize