i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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